What's the difference between being lonely and a loner?

WHO, WHAT, WHY? The Magazine answers...

Just under half of us have felt depressed because we have felt alone, says a report. But not everyone who is alone is sad about it, so what is the difference between being lonely and being a loner?

Loneliness - most people have or will experience it at some time in their life, according to a new report published by the Mental Health Foundation (MHF).

Young or old, male or female, rich or poor, it doesn't matter - loneliness is indiscriminate.

One contributing factor included in the Lonely Society report is the rising proportion of people living alone. The figure doubled between 1972 and 2008, going from 6% of the population to 12%, according to government figures. But not everyone who is alone is lonely, so what's the difference?

Loneliness is not about being physically alone, it's about a person's individual experience of isolation and how they evaluate it, says the MHF. A loner gets pleasure and satisfaction from solitude, a lonely person doesn't.

While human beings are sociable animals by nature, personalities vary and at the opposite ends of the spectrum are extroverts and introverts.

"For an extrovert it is all about seeking stimulation from other people but an introvert's replenishment comes from solitude," says psychologist Ros Taylor.

"A loner can be perfectly content with their own company, while being alone will make another person utterly miserable."

Intimate

Professor Jenny de Jong-Gierveld defines loneliness as an "unpleasant or inadmissible" lack of certain relationships in your life. Essentially, you can be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely because you aren't emotionally intimate with any of them.

If you don't feel the same loss from not having close relationships it's not necessarily a problem. In fact, some are in favour of being a loner. The renowned psychologist Anthony Storr argued that solitude is necessary for mental health and creativity.

Crucially, loner or lonely, problems start when both become extreme.

Most of us experience loneliness at some time, but what makes it harmful is when "it settles in long enough to create a persistent, self-reinforcing loop of negative thoughts, sensations and behaviours", says American psychologist John Cacioppo.

Problems start for a loner when they isolate themselves too much, says Ms Taylor.

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"Humans need a certain level of interaction because we are basically sociable animals," she says. "If you remove yourself too much from others you lose communication and social skills and that's when problems start.

"You can't go through life not interacting with anyone, you have to talk and deal with a certain amount of people to function in everyday life. You need to know how to do this appropriately and successfully."

So while it is just as natural to enjoy solitude as it is to feel lonely, like many other things in life it's is all about moderation